Direct Email Marketing Gone Bad: A Critique

Last week Brian wrote about the worst direct email marketing tactic we’ve seen in a while and on Monday I received probably one of the worst introduction emails I have ever received – if you can even call it an introduction.

I read the email, re-read the email and again and at the end I still wasn’t quite sure what the sender was asking of me! But I think the sender was asking me to either meet him for a sales pitch or provide free coaching.

Here’s the problem with “cold calling” using direct email marketing: you can’t hear the tone of voice, you have a hard time reading between the lines, and you can’t clarify and ask questions easily.

In this post, I am going to share the email I received with you, I am going to critique it and share some insights on what a stranger would think reading it, and I am going to provide a rewritten version of the email that I would have liked to have received.

Here’s the email I received:

Hello Jennifer;

Looks like I could learn much from you. All that I read about you on your website says ” you are successful” and I feel that all of us could benefit from encouraging success at all levels in our lives. Our mutual friends of Cinderella and Snow White are wonderful folks. I would like to come in and meet with you and learn more about what you do and see first hand what you offer. I also am a member of Disney Church. We have a group that meets on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. We are all business owners, managers or sales people. Good coaching and networking to help one another I think is one of the keys to help propel our business’ in this economy.

Jennifer, let me know what you think and how soon we can meet. I look forward to learning about your company, and seeing how we just might enhance one another’s business’. Thanks kindly for your time and I hope you have the best day ever!!!

Before I point out the mistakes made in this email, I want to be very clear that this email critique isn’t meant to bash the sender

• I think the sender actually had his heart in the right place
• I think the sender was truly wants to build a mutually beneficial relationship
• I think the sender was trying to reach out and do good
• I think the sender meant well

But this email message, from the recipient’s point of view, is a mess and sends up all sorts of red flags and doesn’t adhere to the most common direct email marketing best practices.

I chose to critique this email publicly on the blog because I get A LOT of these emails, sometimes several each week and I am seeing the same email mistakes made over and over.

Plus the email marketing statistics for a message like this has got to be awful. So, with a few changes and improvements, the senders could increase their success rate with email marketing leads quite a bit! And hopefully, this critique will help you write better and more successful solicitation email messages as well.

Email Introduction Critique
From a total stranger’s point of view as the recipient

Email Message Says:

Looks like I could learn much from you. All that I read about you on your website says ” you are successful” and I feel that all of us could benefit from encouraging success at all levels in our lives

Email Message Critique:

Starting off an email to someone you have never met, never had any interaction with, and have never introduced yourself to before with this statement immediately puts the recipient on guard and sends up fiery red warning flares telling them to watch out.

That statement alone, whether you meant it or not, screams asking for free work. In fact, the email might as well have read, “I’m struggling and I need help. You look really successful. In the spirit of giving, because you’re nice right? Will you teach me everything you know and coach me for free because that would be great?”

As you can see, starting an email off with this statement to a total stranger pretty much renders your message dead upon arrival and your email marketing statistic and success rate are probably going to be in the toilet.

Email Message Says:

Our mutual friends of Cinderella and Snow White are wonderful folks.

Email Message Critique:

Um, name dropping only works if you explain why you are name dropping. Yes, it’s great that we have some mutual friends and I’m glad you think they’re wonderful. But what does that have to do with me? Why are you using their names? Are you a client of one of theirs? Do you work with one of them? Did one of them tell you to contact me? You need to explain this to me or it just seems odd and leaves me baffled.

Email Message Says:

I would like to come in and meet with you and learn more about what you do and see first hand what you offer.

Email Message Critique:

Really!? Oh My Gosh! I am jumping up and down! Okay, not really. At this point I am actually wondering why. Why do you want to come in and meet with me to see what I offer? Earlier in the email you told me you were on my website. You even told me that it made me look successful. So why do you need to meet with me to figure out what I do?

Is it because you didn’t actually read anything on my website? Is it because you just went to my website to get my contact information so you could email me and it looked professional so obviously I am successful?

Or, is it because you don’t actually care at all what I do and you’re just using that as a reason to get in the door? I know this trick well because in the past I have fallen for it many times.

It goes something like this: I agree to meet a total stranger who wants to learn more about my services and when we actually meet, I can barely get out a brief overview of the company before they start in on their sales pitch of a product or service that would be a great fit for me and my clients. I smile, nod, barely say a word, excuse myself as quickly as possible and drive home mad that I just wasted my time on a work day listening to a sales pitch.

Email Message Says:

I also am a member of Disney Church. We have a group that meets on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. We are all business owners, managers or sales people.

Email Message Critique:

There are so many things wrong with this statement it isn’t even funny.

I mean seriously… Good for you! You go to church and you network! But again, what does this have to do with me? I can’t figure out if this is a statement or a question or an invitation. Am I supposed to be familiar with your church? Am I supposed to meet with you because you go to church? Are you inviting me to be a part of your group? I am confused!

Email Message Says:

Good coaching and networking to help one another I think is one of the keys to help propel our business’ in this economy.

Email Message Critique:

Let’s just ignore the fact that the overused “in this economy” phrase was included and focus on the good part of this sentence. At least the sender understands that good coaching and networking are part of business success.

But it has the same problem as the other statement’s we’ve reviewed. What does this have to do with me? From the statement we just looked at I thought maybe you were asking me to network with your group. But from this statement, it sounds like you’re asking for free coaching.

These types of statements drive me crazy. It’s as if you asking for free consulting or coaching is acceptable because you’re asking under the guise of helping others “in this economy.” Is that supposed to make me feel bad or guilty and agree to work for free out of guilt?

Email Message Says:

Jennifer, let me know what you think and how soon we can meet. I look forward to learning about your company, and seeing how we just might enhance one another’s business’.

Email Message Critique:

This is the part that I have the hardest time with. How do I respond to this? At this point, I don’t really have a clear understanding of what you want, what you’re asking of from me, what your intentions are with the meeting, or why I should go. There really wasn’t a compelling reason presented that makes me think, “Oh Yeah! I want to meet with this person.”

And, I’m curious… the sender is asking how soon we can meet. Is he in a hurry? Is this urgent? Nothing in the email message made me think so.

The last line is the best. Of course the sender looks forward to learning about my company (even though the sender says they’ve already been on my website), learning about my company is just the appetizer they need to snack on before they push their main course across the table at me and sell me their product or service. They’ll talk about how much more successful I’d be if I used the product. Then they’ll ask me for ideas of how I would market and sell their product, and if they’re like the people I’ve met with in the past, you’ll expect me to pick up the bill for lunch because I’m the successful one.

Thoughts on The Direct Email Marketing Introduction
Insights From Past Experiences

Am I jaded? Of course. I have received enough of these direct email marketing messages to know that it is more than likely a canned email you wrote and sent to 50 people, just changing the names your dropping each time. And, I’ve sat through enough of these meetings to have earned the right to be jaded. Each time, Brian would always ask me, “Why are going to another one of these lunches or meetings? They’re always trying to get something out of you for nothing.” And each time I’d respond with, “But they seem really nice and they know Cinderella, and maybe this will be different.“  But they never were.

What people don’t understand is that when you first start out with your own business, you’ll take all of those meetings because you’re looking for every opportunity under the sun. You’re at the point where you’re saying yes to everything.

But then something changes. As you become more successful, those inquiries start coming more and more often. You try to meet with everyone because you want to be nice and you want to give them a chance and you want to help everyone who asks you. But then you realize you’re exhausted and you need to start protecting your time.

It usually isn’t until this point that a business owner or entrepreneur really starts to realize the value of their time and the exact dollar amount each hour of their time is worth. It’s at this time that the word “No” comes into play more often simply out of the need to stay focused and productive. It is not easy and it doesn’t always feel good because it is in our nature to help.

It’s at this time that the lunches and meetings over coffee with complete strangers who want to “see how we can work together” get cut out of the equation. Instead, only the inquiries from serious business owners and entrepreneurs who have done their homework, have come prepared, and present a proposal or idea of their own are the ones that capture their email marketing leads and earn the meetings.

It is with this approach in mind that I want to present the original email rewritten the way I would have liked to have received the email message.

Email Introduction Rewritten
What I Would Have Liked To Have Received

If direct marketing by email was part of my marketing strategy and I was going to reach out to someone I had never met before who had no idea who I am, my email would sound quite a bit different. Here’s an example of the email I would have sent:

Hello Jennifer;

I was recently at a networking meeting and I was speaking with the wonderful Cinderella and Snow White who mentioned your name and recommended I get in touch with you.

My name is Robin Hood and I think our businesses could be very complimentary to each other. I have spent some time on your website and see that you provide online marketing training and consulting, marketing implementation, and web development services.

I am a representative for Product X and while I see that you offer very comprehensive service, I also see how important it is to you to learn about new marketing products and tools that are available.

I believe that Product X is going to change the landscape of traditional marketing and online marketing by making it easier and faster for your audience to connect with you on the spot.

Obviously, you don’t need a consultant on SEO, but I do have some interesting ideas I think you’ll like about the immediate ways that I can see this benefiting Bourn Creative, especially when it comes to keynote speaking. Then, if you’re interested, I’d also like to speak with you about adding Product X as a tool or resource in your marketing training and seminars.

On another note, I see that you’re also an avid networker! The networking group I mentioned is held at Disney Church on Aladdin Street near your office. We meet on the first and third Tuesday of each month and regularly have about 50 business owners, sales reps, and managers in the room supporting each other. I would like to invite you to come and check it out and talk about having you speak to the group about online marketing and website marketing.

Thank you so much for your time. I look forward to hearing from you and hope we can meet soon!

Thanks kindly for your time and have a great day!

Here’s a quick recap of why this email introduction has so much more impact:

• Immediately, I was told why this person was contacting me and who referred me.
• The sender introduced himself and proved that he had done his homework and knows something about me, about my business., and about the services I offer to my clients.
• The sender told me exactly what type of business he is in and what product he is pitching
• The sender handled an immediate objection he knew I’d have because he took the time to learn about my business before emailing me
• The sender got my attention with the immediate ways he could see the product benefit my business, which means he has ideas to help me and isn’t going to ask me to come up with ideas about his product can help me.
• The sender didn’t push to sell the product or push me to sell the product to my clients, but instead asked to discuss the possibility of me sharing information about it along with the other resources I share (that’s called smart and respectful).
• The sender looped back to the first statement he made in the opening and gave me more information about his networking group and an official invitation to attend. The sender told me that is was close to my office which also shows that he did his homework.
• The sender closed with a positive but not pushy statement. The sender gives me the option of how to respond and when. I can email or call the sender, or I can choose to attend a meeting of the networking group to meet him for the first time there.

So there you have it. Insights on what a total stranger thinks when emailed a vague, sales-y introduction email that seems to ask them to do something for free.

I hope you found this email marketing critique helpful and that it improves some of the email communication being sent today!